The Great Rizzles Bake Off
by UltimateSnazzyChick
Summary: Jane and Maura travel to England, after Maura enters a popular televised baking competition in the UK. However, they soon uncover a dreadful secret and must use their applied skills to deal with the unfathomable situation.
1. Chapter 1 - Half Baked

It had taken weeks of petitioning on Maura's part to convince Jane to let her do it. Freshly cooked pancakes in the morning; almond biscotti to go with Jane's crudely brewed filter coffee; precisely produced tiramisu for after the evening meal; they had all contributed to Jane finally caving in and saying yes. Maura had entered the Great British Bake Off, and Jane was coming with her.

Maura, being her usual self, had made sure preparations were in place before she entered. She had cleared the time off work at the Boston Police Department in order for her to take part in the competition. The department weren't happy about having to call in Dr. Popov, the alcoholic Medical Examiner who had filled in for Maura during her quick stint in prison for a crime she had not committed, however they were all excited to see her on this baking competition that they had heard so much about.

The glaring problem was that Maura wasn't British, she was so determined however that she applied many times to the program, making sure to attach pictures of her most acclaimed desserts that she had produced; layered cakes of uncountable tiers, chocolate chip cookies that straddled the perfect line between crunchiness and chewiness, and other delectable treasures.

Sure enough, this had convinced the producers. Maura had, extremely reluctantly, included a small lie in her application, claiming that she spent a lot of time in England due to the fact that her adoptive mother, Constance, was English. It appears that it had worked, and two weeks after her application had been sent off, Maura received an e-mail that she had been accepted on to the competition. Apparently the producers couldn't resist the opportunity of having such an interesting character appear on the show, even if she wasn't of the same nationality of the rest of the contestants.

With all of her plans already in place, all that was left to do was for Maura to book the tickets over to England for her and Jane. They were staying in accommodation provided by the producers of the show in a town called Richmond, where the competition would take place. The filming started very soon, and the couple were eager to travel over the Atlantic to get to their destination.

Tired from the flight, Jane and Maura settled into their hotel room. American hotels focused very much on convenience and thrift, at least the ones that Jane had stayed in, and this room differed from that completely. It was decked out in the kind of furnishings that you might find in a little countryside cottage. A very large four poster bed lay in the middle of the bedroom, against the master wall, decorated with a fitting blue gingham pattern. There was a small electric heater to keep the room warm, and the wall was adorned with inexpensive but pleasant looking paintings.

Jane collapsed on to the bed and looked expectedly at Maura who gave her a knowing look as she joined her on to the bed. As Jane went to drape her arms around Maura's tired shoulders, there was an impatient sounding knock at the door and both women sighed in exasperation. Maura gave Jane an all-too-familiar look that perfectly communicated the word 'later' before she lifted herself from the bed and opened the door to a stern looking elder man.

"Maura Isles?" the man queried in a loose, estuary-English, accent.

"That's me" Maura responded with her subtle Bostonian twang.

"Everyone is meeting downstairs. You will be introduced to your fellow contestants, and then we're going to get on with the first part of round one today" the man informed Maura, to which she and Jane received in shock. Maura silently acknowledged this information and absorbed it, however Jane did not take this quietly.

"Today? We were told that the first round wouldn't begin until tomorrow!" Jane told the man, although he was undoubtedly already aware of this situation.

"Yes, that was indeed the plan. However it has been decided that the show will press on".

"We've just got off of the plane!"

"We are aware of this, but we've already made an exception in allowing Maura to come on to the show, so now you will have to make an exception in return".

"Of course, and I'm extremely grateful for that. If you'll give me five minutes, I will be right downstairs" Maura reasoned, trying not to cause any unnecessary friction. She was already the outsider, and she didn't want to become known as the 'difficult American', especially as she knew of the reputation that was afforded to those from Boston.

"Thank you, Miss Isles. My name is Steven by the way, we'll see you downstairs in a moment" Steven said to her as he closed the door, throwing the pair a small, polite smile. Once he had left the room, Maura looked at Jane and sighed with a smile; Jane could read this perfectly well. She had known Maura for long enough now to be able to read her emotions, to a certain extent anyway.

"Honey, I promise you, you're going to be absolutely fine" Jane told Maura, completely sure of what she was saying and taking Maura's hand in her own.

"What if I get down there and I'm completely out of my depth? What if every other baker has had experience in little English provincial bakeries, specialising in traditional confections and patisseries and I'm just the baker from Boston with her quirky cakes?" Maura protested, her fears finally being expressed. She had been so excited for this opportunity right until this moment that she had forgotten that it was in fact a competition, and also one that would be screened on national British television.

"Maura, you're a great baker! Remember that autopsy table cake that you made just the other week? I bet none of the others could make anything like that". Maura gave a small smile at this, looking back at Jane.

"It was anatomically perfect, wasn't it? Detective Frost wasn't such a fan though".

"Well, you know how he is. Plus, after he had finished vomiting in the sink he took a slice, and he even finished it off!"

"Yes, I remember him taking part of the table, but making sure not to get any of the corpse".

"Can't say I blame him there". Maura giggled at this and felt a renewed confidence in her ability. She had often compared baking to a scientific process, but this had never worked out how she had hoped that it might. It all made sense that you add the right ingredients and perform the various functions on them, and you should be able to observe a predictable outcome of empirical data. However, it never seemed to go in a manner that could be expected, for better or for worse.

"Okay Maura, you should probably get down there now. You don't want to be tardy for meeting your new chums now, do you?" Jane laughed, putting on a mock English accent to dress her words in. Maura allowed herself a small giggle before kissing Jane goodbye and slipping out of the door. Jane was on her own now and wondered what she could do for the rest of the day; the bed was the answer and she slumped lazily on to it, falling into a blissful nap.

...

A number of hours later, Maura slipped back into the room that she shared with Jane, who she found fast asleep on the gingham bed. Maura prodded Jane in the side who jolted awake with a violent kick.

"Maura?" she mumbled, the sleep sand still partially obscuring her vision.

"Hi Jane" Maura greeted Jane, beaming at her.

"So… how was it?" Jane asked, unable to ignore the question that was floating between them. Maura didn't know if she would be staying for the second round yet, as each round had three stages, shot over two days. In each round, one baker would be eliminated from the competition.

"Yeah, I think it went well" Maura told Jane, without saying anything more.

"You gonna elaborate on that?" Jane pushed, impatient to hear the details of Maura's day.

"Well, the first round was simple; cookies!"

"Starts off simple alright, what did you make?"

"I went for oatmeal cookies; a classic, but I gave it a bit of an English twist. I don't want them to think I'm too American you see".

"Really Maur? They don't care that you're American, they just wanna know that you can bake. So, what did you make? I'm salivating here!"

"Rhubarb and custard; that was my theme. It's a traditional English dessert, a rhubarb and custard crumble. So, I made the oatmeal the crumble part, and gave it a rhubarb and custard filling".

"Never heard of it".

"Y'know, Jane, I tried it before I came over here, and it really works. The sharp taste of the rhubarb is a direct contrast to the creamy custard; perfection".

"Perfection indeed. And what did Mary and Paul think? Were they as scary as they seemed on YouTube?"

"No, actually they loved them! According to them, I had baked the oatmeal perfectly, and it complimented the filling fabulously. The only issue was that the filling was a little bit too thick, but it wasn't a major bone of contention".

"That's great Maura! What about the second round?" Jane inquired, smiling proudly at her loved one.

"Well, that was the technical challenge".

"Of course, so what did you make?"

"The challenge was to make baklava; my worst nightmare". Baklava had been the one thing that Maura had struggled to master in the kitchen.

"Oh no! How did it go though, Maura? It couldn't have been that bad, could it?"

"Well, I think it was the worst nightmare of some of the other contestants; I came seventh out of twelfth. Not bad, really, although my pastry was definitely nowhere near the optimum level of flakiness that should be expected. I hope I can do better tomorrow; it's the showstopper" Maura informed Jane, looking anxious. Jane soothed Maura by giving her a slow kiss on her forehead, which once wrinkled in anxiety now settled into relief and comfort.

"Maura, you'll do great, I can tell. You're gonna win this for sure!" Jane cheered Maura on. She was willing to become Maura's personal cheerleader if it meant that she would face this competition with a bit more confidence and self belief.

"I hope so Jane, I hope so" Maura replied, still not seeming too sure of herself.

"Don't suppose you brought back any of those rhubarb and custard cookies that you were telling me about? I've been asleep all day and I'm kinda hungry" Jane asked Maura, hoping ravenously that Maura had delivered a confection for Jane to feast upon.

"No, but I actually have another surprise for you" Maura informed Jane with a crafty look in her eye; one that Jane had seen many times before.

"What's that?" Jane inquired, her curiosity heightened only by her hunger.

"You'll see" Maura smirked, as she began to unbutton her blouse that she had picked specially for the occasion.

"Wait, why are you taking your clothes off? Did you smuggle some of the cookies in your bra?" Jane asked as Maura continued to undress.

"Close! But no coconut" Maura told Jane, retaining her impish tone. As Maura stepped out of her clothing, Jane took a step back, looking at Maura's chest in disbelief. Maura beamed a seductive smile at Jane who looked utterly perplexed.

"Is that…. Is that, uh… a cookie bra… that you are wearing?" Jane stuttered, not quite believing what she was seeing. Maura was standing, staring at her, wearing a bra that seemed to be made out of baked cookie dough. Jane could not possibly fathom how this came to be, and wondered if she was still asleep plunged into some crazy dream.

"Do you like it? I baked it whilst I was doing the rhubarb and custard cookies earlier, I thought I'd give you a nice surprise to wake up to!"

"You mean to tell me that you baked yourself a bra in front of a group of strangers?! You baked yourself underwear on national television?!" Jane would have been highly aroused by this situation as it combined two of her greatest passions; Maura's baking and Maura's breasts, but she was so perplexed by the situation that it didn't quite tickle her.

"What do you find weird about that?" Maura asked.

"Maura, if you don't understand what is weird about that, then I'm not sure you'll quite comprehend it upon me explaining it to you! How did you even make it so that it fits you?" Jane questioned her girlfriend, as yet another question entered her mind about this bizarre situation.

"Oh, I took my bra down with me and fashioned the cookie dough around it so that it would fit my breasts. Clever, don't you think?"

"Yes, Maura, very clever. Now the whole of England will see you coating a bra with cookie dough. How is this going to look? Can you imagine the newspapers back at Boston reporting on the state's chief medical examiner filling her bra with cookie dough on English television?!"

"Well, I was very discreet!" Jane sighed at this.

"That can't be comfortable, Maur".

"No, it does chafe quite a bit. I was expecting you to have eaten it from my chest by now".

"Under different circumstances maybe. Still, I'm not ruling out doing so right now. Hey, isn't your bra going to be really filthy now that you did that?" Jane asked, genuinely curious about the state of Maura's bra after receiving such a bizarre treatment.

"It's in my bag, I should probably put it in for a soak actually, now that you mention it". Maura bent down to retrieve the bra from her bag that she had taken with her. "Oh, mother-fudger!" Jane heard Maura exclaim from down below; she sounded exasperated.

"What's up Maura?" Jane asked.

"I've left them downstairs!" Maura responded.

"Wait, them?!"

"Yes, I made you a cookie bra too!" Maura brandished the second cookie bra, looking genuinely proud of her handiwork. Jane looked both exasperated at the growing weirdness of the situation, and self-conscious at the fact that her cookie bra was noticeably smaller than Maura's.

"You took my bra down there as well? My bra is going to feature on English television? Maura, you know how popular this show is!"

"Don't worry, we'll just have to go down there and get them back" Maura told Jane imperatively, throwing a T-shirt over her bare torso.

"Seriously? You're not taking the cookie bra off?"

"Well, I don't want to waste it. If anyone asks, I'll just have to tell them that I left my washing out on a cold night".

"Oh, why lie? Why not tell people that you baked your bra yourself?" Jane said sarcastically.

"Come on, let's go and get them". Jane followed Maura out of the door, heading down to the Bake Off tent in one of the most bizarre situations that she had ever found herself in, including the multiple kidnapping attempts she had suffered through.


	2. Chapter 2 - Circle Of Fire

"C'mon Maura, I'm starving" Jane grumbled. She hadn't eaten since she and Maura had been on the plane heading into England. The very conservative portion of chicken risotto was far from satisfying, and it drew unfavourable comparisons to the porcini, spinach and ricotta risotto that she had learned to make under Maura's tutelage.

"Seriously Jane? Just a minute ago you were complaining that I'd left your bra in the Bake Off tent; now we're going to get it!" Maura exclaimed.

"I think I remember complaining that you had taken it in the first place! Seriously, I'm starving, can we just stop to eat first?"

"We'll go to the restaurant after we've picked up our underwear."

"Fine. Can I have a hug though Maur?" Jane petitioned Maura for some close contact, to which Maura stopped walking and turned around to take Jane in her arms. As they embraced, one of Jane's hands slipped up the back of Maura's shirt.

"What are you doing?" Maura asked, perplexed at Jane's behaviour.

"Nothing" Jane said, highly unconvincingly.

"Get your hands off of my cookie bra!" Jane's hands instantly recoiled as if they had been scalded by the erotic confection. "Come on, it won't take us long. I remember leaving our bras in one of the utensil cupboards, so they shouldn't take too long to find. Then, I promise that we can get some food".

"Fine" Jane conceded, as they continued walking down the stairs. The house that Jane and Maura were staying in was an 18th century manor house on a very large English country estate. On the aeroplane ride over Maura had told Jane about how the 18th century, in England, was a time where the nobility of the country migrated outwards to cultivate large country estates. The land was very neatly arranged, with ornate and dainty trees dotted over well-trimmed lawns; it was around this time that landscape gardening had become a sought after service. Jane hadn't admitted to Maura that she actually found everything that she was telling her to be extremely interesting.

As they got to the empty foyer of the house and slid out of the large oak panelled doors, the couple realised that it was already dark outside; it grew darker in England sooner than it did back in Boston.

"It's probably best it's so dark, I doubt anyone will see us" Maura re-assured Jane.

"Gee, why wouldn't we want anyone to see us walking back from the Bake Off tent with underwear caked in cookie dough? It's almost as if that's something to hide!" Jane retorted with more than a smidgen of sarcasm.

"Behave, you! At least until later. Look, the tent is just over there, not too far to walk" Maura told Jane as she pointed at the large white gazebo erected in the centre of a grassy clearing. Even under the night time shade it was easy to see. As they walked towards the tent, Jane observed the familiar setting that she had seen on the many YouTube videos she had watched of this show with Maura as they prepared for her appearance on it. Except, one thing was different. For some reason all of the cupboards and appliances had been moved to the rim of the gazebo, leaving a large empty space in the centre. Maura noticed this as they slid through the sheet allowing them access to the tent.

"Everything's been moved! How am I going to find out which one was my workstation?" Maura gasped, exasperated at the situation.

"Don't worry Maura, we'll just look until we find them, okay?" Jane comforted her, before noticing a single plate of cookies that had been left on one of the counters. "Well well well, I think we just found the solution to my hunger problem". Maura glanced over to the plate.

"Oh, those were made by another contestant. Prudence, I think her name was? I have to warn you, Mary and Paul hated them; I imagine she's going home this week" Maura told Jane in a very matter-of-fact tone. Jane subsequently eyed the cookies with suspicion, as if they were a suspect in one of her murder cases.

"They couldn't have been that bad. What kind of cookies are they?"

"Well, Prudence seems like quite an edgy girl, but I have a feeling that beef and horseradish cookies are a bit too innovative." Upon hearing this Jane took a swift step back from the offending plate of cookies.

"You can say that again; I'll just leave these here. Wouldn't want good ol' Prudence to miss out on her spoils."

"And you, detective, can start by helping me find our underwear!"

"Y'know I love it when you call me detective, Dr. Isles".

"I do, indeed" Maura purred, closing the space between her and Jane, then going on to rest her hands around Jane's waist, pulling her ever closer for a kiss.

"Oh Dr. Isles, what treatment have you got in store for me today?"

"Well, I think we should start by applying a little pressure" Jane whispered into Jane's ear before pinning her against one of the work stations, chosen by Maura for its immaculate cleanliness. Maura moved in to eradicate any space that laid between her and the detective, and this time stealing an even deeper kiss from Jane. It was a tango of the lips that made her blood sing the song of one thousand sirens that could only be expressed by pressing her body firmly against Jane's.

"Oh, Dr. what's gotten into…? Wait…" Jane shuffled out from underneath Maura, looking unsettled.

"Jane?" Maura beckoned, failing to conceal her disappointment. Jane turned back to Maura.

"Do you hear that?" Jane asked. Maura listened, trying to place a sound within the silence that had descended for the first time upon the pair of them and she did pick up on the sound of footsteps.

"Actually, yes, I do hear that" Maura admitted, disappointed that she wasn't about to have a chance to promote her levels of immunoglobulin A. She looked out of one of the transparent panels of the gazebo and saw marchers, with what looked like torches aflame.

"What do you see?" Jane asked.

"This doesn't make any sense. There are people dressed in hooded black cloaks and marching towards this tent. They're carrying torches. They remind me of pallbearers at a funeral" Maura reported, not knowing how to make sense of what she was seeing, and feeling very thankful that neither of them had thought to turn a light on within the Bake Off tent, where the sinister group seemed to be marching towards.

"Okay, we need to get out of here" Jane ordered, stating the obvious Maura didn't take much convincing and they slipped out the back way of the tent. As Jane tried to head back towards the house, Maura was heading towards a thick row of bushes.

"Maura, what are you doing?" Jane whispered, trying to keep her voice down in order to not attract the attention of the strange group of people.

"I want to see what these people are doing. Cultist rituals are fascinating events, and I'd love to actually witness one for myself, rather than simply reading about them. There's room for you here in the bushes too." Jane wished that this had been the first time she had heard that line. She knew that she wouldn't be able to talk Maura out of staying, so she reasoned with herself that it would be best to stay with her. Jane crouched down next to Maura and observed the procession.

There seemed to be about thirty hooded figures, marching in pairs and all carrying torches. Due to the darkness of the evening and the fact that every figure was obscured by their clothing, there was no way to discern the identity of the marchers.

"You know what strikes me as odd about this?" Maura said to Jane, not daring to raise her voice above a faint whisper.

"Um, let's see… Perhaps everything?!" Jane retorted. Maura seemed unreceptive to the sarcasm in Jane's tone.

"Every single one of them is carrying a torch and marching through this clearing, which isn't far away at all from the house. If someone was to look out of the window, they would easily be spotted. Plus, it's only half eight; no one's in bed yet."

"They're not making an effort to hide themselves" Jane said to herself, the detective in her finally coming to life. "You're right; that is weird. It suggests that everyone here is aware of it, or at least enough people for it to be normal."

"It could be a ceremonial march?" Maura pondered as the procession began to filter in to the tent. The two of them watched the marchers silently extinguish their torches as they entered the gazebo. Once every one of them had entered, Jane turned to Maura.

"Okay, what now?"

"Let's get a little closer to the tent, they shouldn't be able to see us and we might be able to hear what they're saying."

"You sure that's a good idea? We have no idea who these people are and this is way outside of our legal jurisdiction."

"I am aware of that, I just can't leave here now without knowing the context behind what we've seen." Jane acknowledged Maura's inquisitive side, especially because she knew that Maura would be up all night thinking about it if they didn't stay. An awake Maura usually meant a similarly awake Jane. They raised themselves into a position high enough to allow them to move, but also low enough to remain hidden and shuffled over to the tent, crouching beside it in order to not be seen through the transparent panels. They were now close enough to hear what was being said inside.

"I see the high priestess has yet to grace our coven with her presence" said a gruff male voice.

"She is coming. From the East side of this consecrated ground" responded a female voice, smooth and cold. Jane then turned to Maura with an alarmed look on her face.

"High priestess coming from the East? Wait, which side of the tent are we on?" Jane murmured.

"We're on the West, don't worry." Jane was about to question Maura about how she knew this information, but she saw that Maura was holding an antique compass on a chain that extended from her breast pocket, and her question was answered.

"Ah, you always come prepared."

"Shh, I want to hear what they're saying." The couple listened in again on the happenings inside the tent. The gruff voice was speaking again.

"Is that her, cloaked in white?" he asked to no one in particular, apparently having seen someone approaching the tent. Presumably the cold female investigated the situation.

"That is indeed her." Suddenly, her voice grew shrill and imperious, as she addressed the group as a whole. "Now, everyone, down on your knees. Show the proper respect to our liberator." Jane turned to Maura with a look on her face that was so puzzled, only rivalled by the look she had made earlier upon seeing Maura's cookie bra for the first time. Jane still couldn't work out which situation was more bizarre. The female then spoke once more.

"Oh gracious one, we welcome you humbly to our gathering and offer you our most sincere thanks for your presence." The voice that responded was once again female, but lower in pitch and with a raspy texture.

"No need for thanks. This ritual is of paramount importance and must begin immediately. I see the circle has been drawn."

"Yes. It is for you to step into when you are ready" the cold female responded to the woman who appeared to be their leader.

"For my protection?"

"Vervain, freshly picked under the alignment of Saturn."

"Adequate. Lay it within the lines."

"Certainly." There was a pause before anything more was spoken by the group inside the tent.

"It would appear that they are attempting to create a circle for ritual magic, what they could be doing though is anyone's guess. The circle can be used for summoning spirits, and the vervain is commonly used for protection in this kind of ritual" Maura informed Jane.

"How do you know all of this?" Jane asked with an arched eyebrow.

"After coming across multiple deaths relating to witchcraft, it's always helpful to have a knowledge of the practices." Jane nodded in acknowledgement, and the lower pitched female started speaking from within the tent once more.

"The circle is prepared; my thanks to you." The rasp of the voice of this woman now turned into an imposing call, as she started her incantation. "With Gabriel facing me and Raphael behind me; Michael on my right, and Uriel on my left, I call the protection of the four archangels; keep me safe as I communicate with the spirits under the eyes of the moon." She paused, before continuing once more.

"Daughters of Hecate, and the dark mother herself, I pledge a loan from you of one of the spirits you hold in your merciful prison. Release the soul that was sacrificed on this very spot where I stand a year from today. Our custodianship will receive her with open arms." Jane turned once more to Maura, who she could see was recording this on her phone.

"We need to go in there. Whatever they are doing, it does not sound good." Jane said with a conviction in her voice.

"Jane, you said it yourself, this is outside of our legal jurisdiction. We could burst in there but you wouldn't have your badge, your gun; no defences. We don't know what these people are capable of" Maura responded. She really admired Jane's passion to do what was right, but she needed to keep things realistic, and the both of them needed to stay safe.

"Yeah, you're right. I just don't know what…" Jane's words were cut off by the gruff male voice calling from inside.

"Hey, is someone out there?!"

"What I do know is that we need to get out here, now" Jane ordered, grabbing Maura's hand and pulling her to her feet. They both knew that they needed to get away and they were soon on their feet, running at full sprint, hand in hand back towards the house. They didn't look back once until they had reached the doors and hurried inside; they did not want to know what could be directly behind them.

Once they were in the foyer, they both exhaled a deep breath, both out of adrenaline and exertion.

"Do you have any idea what that could have been?" Jane inquired.

"I don't want to think about it right now, especially since the second half of the first round of Bake Off is tomorrow morning!" Maura replied, still out of breath from their heart racing run across the grass clearing.

"You're right. Come on, we're going to get some food."

"I can agree to that… Oh, mother fooey!" Jane turned to Maura with a wide-eyed expression.

"What's wrong now?"

"My cookie bra has split between the two breasts!"

"You can't possibly be worried about that damn bra now." Jane glanced at Maura incredulously and they both burst into simultaneous laughter.

"I'm glad you're safe, Jane" Maura told her, through fits of giggles. Jane blushed a little, and smiled once again at Maura before taking her hand. Together, they walked to the restaurant, stroking each other's thumbs and struggling to suppress their own laughter.


End file.
